Is It Motivation or Manipulation?

Are you more preoccupied with fulfilling your dreams and your vision than you are with helping those around you fulfill their's?

When I was in high school I loved sports and I was good. I was freshman MVP for football, league champion as a first year JV wrestler, and I was pulled up to varsity about 1/4 of the way through my freshman season. However, I decided to step back and only continue to play baseball. I remember sitting down and talking with the head football coach and sharing my heart and vision for my future with him. At first he was intrigued, but the minute I expressed that football was not a part of the my vision he blew up on me and became extremely hostile with me.

It was at that moment that I realized how his vision for his team was far more important to him than his or my vision for my life. I believed he genuinely cared about my future, but not enough to join me in moving forward. He was trying to motivate me to stay on the team, but it was through anger, frustration, and a guilt trip. While it may not have been his intentions, at that moment, he was far more focused on seeing his dreams fulfilled than helping me pursue mine.

The line between motivation and manipulation is very thin, what keeps you from crossing it is genuine care for those you're trying to motivate.  Motivation is about moving their heart in love into a place where they are empowered for the pursuit of vision. Manipulation is about moving their heart however you can to do what you want them to do, when you want them to do it. 

Whether it is in a marriage relationship, friendship, mentorship, or you are a in leading position, you have to refuse to allow your personal vision for people to keep you from helping them fulfill their vision for their life. As a leader or in a relationship, genuine care is not expressed by you telling people where they should go, it is helping them discover their God-given identity and destiny.

It is so tempting to tell people about the vision you have for their lives without ever hearing where they want to go and who they want to become. Leadership is not about getting people to fulfill your vision, it is about helping people discover their's. However, when you motivate someone to move forward, more often than not, you too will benefit from it.

Nobody wants to be guilt tripped into remaining on a team. Nor does anyone want to remain in a relationship where the other person is trying to make her become someone he wants her to be. But, people will remain on a team if they can see how it can help them advance, if they truly believe their leader is looking out for the team members interest. And, someone will remain in a relationship if he can see how the other is pushing him towards the fullness of his potential.

 Make it your aim today to motivate people to gain a greater vision for their lives and move towards it, not manipulate them into doing what you think is best for the fulfillment of your vision.