Friendship, What's That About?

If you were to count the number of friends that you have would they outnumber the fingers on your hands? My dad used to always tell me growing up to cherish my friendships because the older I got the fewer they would get. Being crazy sociable I used to think, “Yea, right. I’ll always have tons of close friends.”

However, the older I get the more I am realizing how right my dad was. Developing & maintaining close friends takes time, effort, & extreme amounts of vulnerability. If we were to be real, many of us have tons of associates, but very few close friends. Not having many close friends is not a bad thing, but that means you need to truly invest in the ones you do have. 

Friendship takes time. You can’t really have a friendship with someone you are not willing to invest your time in. Why? Because time is one of your most valuable resources. When you spend quality time with someone you are telling that person he or she is of great value to you. If you were to break down the minutes of your week & see how many of them go into building deep, meaningful relationships how much time would you have invested?

Friendship takes efforts. Guys tend to really struggle with this. We often don’t call each other back for 2-3 week or unless we want something. If you want to develop a deeper friendship you have to be willing to put in very intentional effort. You will not invest energy into something you don’t really care about. If you are not willing to invest energy into a friendship then you are really communicating that you don’t care about it, plain & simple. When is the last time you thought of specific ways to invest effort in your friendships?

Friendship takes vulnerability. This is perhaps one of the hardest for people in our culture. Yea, it’s easy to be vulnerable with the external stuff, but start getting to know me more & it is just about that time for the walls to start coming. Vulnerability means making oneself susceptible to hurt, harm, or danger. We are often okay with hanging out, but allowing you in close enough to hurt me, now that’s too close. You cannot grow in friendship with someone that is not close enough to hurt you. Scary, yes. Worth it for a deep friendship, yes.

Let’s Do This Together

What would your life look like if you were to invest more intentional time & effort into your friendships? What keeps you from being truly vulnerable in your friendships?

Proverbs 18:24

A man of many companions may come to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.

3 Things I Wish I Knew About Money

I hate thinking about how much money has gone through my hands & how little I have to show for it. 

So, over the last number of months I have been working hard to gain a healthy, biblical, & practical view of finances. I’ve decided that my Fridays will be dedicated to blogging on finances about what I’ve been learning. In the first edition of “Finance Fridays” here are 3 Things I Wish I Knew About Money growing up.

It Is Not Evil

I don’t quite know where it started, but for the longest time I had this view that money was completely evil & I didn’t want anything to do with it. Perhaps it was all the scandals I heard of Christian leaders mismanaging it or all the times I heard Christians misquote 1 Timothy 6:10, “For the love of money is a root of all kinds of evil. Some people, eager for money, have wandered from the faith and pierced themselves with many griefs.” Let me set some people free – it is the ‘love of money’ that is ‘a root’ of all kinds of evil. There is no good or evil money, only good or evil heart motives. Money is neutral.

God Wants Me To Have It

Scripture is filled with verses speaking about God desiring to bless His people, predominately so that His people could be a blessing to others (Genesis 18:18). But, since I believed money was evil I really didn’t believe God wanted me to have it & I didn’t really believe the passages that talk about how His people are called to be “the head & not the tail… the plans of the diligent lead to profit… In the house of the wise are stores of choice food and oil, but a foolish man devours all he has,” (Deut. 28:13, Prov. 21:5, Prov. 21:20). However, recently I have been rattle with truth, the good Samaritan would never have been able to put the beat up man in an inn had he not had a coin! You can’t give what you don’t have.

Financial Debt Is 

Not From God

Let me make something very clear, there is only is one type of debt the Bible says it is okay to have & it has nothing to do with money! Right after Paul tells believers to pay people what they owe he writes, “Let no debt remain outstanding, except the continuing debt to love one another, for he who loves his fellowman has fulfilled the law,” (Romans 13:8). There is no such thing biblically as ‘good’ financial debt.

I know that this is completely against what our culture teaches, but debt is not from God. Matter of fact, if it was up to God, “The Lord will open the heavens, the storehouse of his bounty, to send rain on your land in season and to bless all the work of your hands. You will lend to many nations but will borrow from none,” (Deuteronomy 28:12). The reality is that if you are in debt financially, then you are a slave! “The rich rule over the poor, and the borrower is slave to the lender,” (Proverbs 22:7). True spiritual freedom permeates every area of your life, including your finances!

Let’s Do This Together

Do you think you have a healthy view of finances? Has this blog challenged your view of finances? What are some things you wish you knew about finances growing up?

Where Did My Day Go? 4 Steps For Daily Fulfillment

Don’t you hate the days when you come home after working 8 – 12 grueling hours & when you ask yourself “What did I even do today?” you arrive at the ever frustrating answer, “I don’t know, but I know I worked hard.” I have been there way too much for my liking, but thank God for change! Let me give you 4 easy steps to turn the dreadful question, “Where did my day go?” into a question of great fulfillment.

Step 1: 

Have a Plan

It is easy to go throughout the day & be pulled from one thing to another without even wanting too. The reality is that your day will do exactly what you want it to do. You have to be intentional to focus for your day, not expect your day is going to focus for you. Make a plan for your next day before you go to bed or as soon as you wake up. Your minutes are soldiers & you are the general, where are you directing them?

Step 2: 

Implement Your Plan

Implementation can be one of the easiest things to theorize & hardest to practice, but you have to do it! A great plan is meaningless if you don’t follow through. Prepare your heart & mind to make intentional decisions to stick to your plan throughout the day. You can’t do everything, know everything, or connect with everybody. Focus on your plan, put it into action; step by step, piece by piece, & second by second. How do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time.

 

Step 3: 

Pause to Reflect

Push the pause button. Set specific moments throughout the day to reflect on the progress you are making. This will allow you to reevaluate your plan for the rest of your day. Are you making the progress you wanted? Do you need to rearrange your schedule to ensure your priorities are being accomplished? Move things accordingly.

Step 4: 

Remember, God is in Control

Breathe. While it is true that, “The plans of the diligent lead to profit as sure as haste leads to poverty,” (Proverbs 21:5), it is also true that, “Many are the plans of a man’s heart, but it is the Lord’s purpose that prevails,” (Proverbs 19:2). Ultimately you can rest in the reality that God is in control of your day, even when you feel like you aren’t. Things will come up, interruptions & distractions will try to knock you off track. Don’t freak out, just refocus your heart & mind on God’s rule over your day & refocus on your plan.

You don't have to leave work frustrated, go to bed anxious, or wake up dreading another day. Take control of your day, minutes, & seconds. It's time for greater fulfillment through intentional daily living.

Let’s Do This Together:

What is the hardest part of making a plan for your day, week, month, or year & sticking to it? How can you change that today?

Kicking Discouragement: Getting Back On Track

Have you ever been tempted to not set any goals to shoot for because of the discouragement that came from past failures? Yesterday, I was speaking with my barber & she shared with me how this year her resolution was to have no resolutions because she was tired of making resolutions & then being discouraged when she quickly broke them. While I could easily relate, my heart saddened at the power of her discouragement.

Discouragement is one of our greatest enemies;

it can attack us swiftly or slowly. Discouragement comes to rob you of your joy, your strength, & your will to fight. The word literally means: to remove courage, to strip away boldness, to take away the spirit or heart, or to deprive of hope. 

Discouragement can be a powerful thing, but it is not unstoppable. It is like a drug that suppresses passion & depresses our hopes. When we slip we need to learn to kick discouragement & get right back on track.

In one of my favorite movies, “We Are Marshall,” there is a scene where the new head coach for Marshall University is trying to persuade the sole surviving facility from the coaching staff to come back & help him keep the football program going after a tragic plane crash earlier that year that killed around 100 players, coaches, & fans. The coach was so discouraged & felt so hopeless because of the plan crash that he wanted to quit, shut down the program, & live a different life. While they were talking the head coach saw a train coming in the distance & asked, “Isn’t that the train that slipped off the track a couple years ago?” “Yes,” the other coach replied. “It’s back on track,” the head coach said as he walked away.

What made the story so powerful was that the new head coach wasn’t so focused on a ‘winning’ record as he was showing up & putting a team on the field. Sometimes showing up is the greatest victory! If you get knocked off track choose to immediately get back on. You can’t do anything about yesterday, but you have full control over the choices you make today.

Just because your train may have slipped off track does not mean you have to let it stay off track. If you get knocked off track get back on. It really is as simple as that. Yes, you may have to push through discouragement, hopelessness, or feelings of failure, but when God is with you you have all you need to push forward.

Remember what He said to Joshua before he was stepped into a place he had never been? “Be strong & courageous. Do not be terrified, do not be dismayed. For I am the Lord your God & will be with you everywhere you go,” (Joshua 1:8-9). Our greatest confidence & weapon against discouragement is the promise of God’s presence. Go today in the confidence that as you stay on track or get back on track the Lord is with you.

Let’s Do This Together

In what areas of your life is it easy to get discouraged when you get knocked off track? How can you look to God’s presence for a greater sense of courage?

Shut Your Wife's Mouth

Shut your wife’s mouth and die. Husbands, the minute you choose to silence the voice of your wife you have intentionally cut of one of the greatest sources of God given wisdom, discernment, support, love, & instruction for your life. I know we like to think we know everything & we got it all figured out, but if we were to be completely real with ourselves we are often clueless.

I remember driving in the car with my wife one time & she asked, “Babe, are you lost?” I confidently responded, “No, I’m just trying to figure out where to go.” Aren’t many of us like this? For whatever reason we believe that knowing what to do, knowing where to go, knowing what to say, & knowing how to solve the problem in every situation makes us a man; it doesn’t.

A true man & husband knows how to exalt his wife, draw the greatness of God out of her, & allow her to step into her place as a ‘rescuer.’ Yes rescuer. “The Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him,” (Genesis 2:18). The literal translation of the word “helper” is rescuer. And, if we were to be completely honest, most of us husbands need to be rescued from foolish words we speak, hasty promises we make, the consequences of our irresponsibility, & from being overwhelmed with such a powerful call of God on our marriage – we were never meant to do it alone.

Husbands, I want to empower you to thrive in your marriage. And, I want to spare you from missing out on so many awesome blessings in your marriage. Let my words sink deep into your heart & spur you on towards unlocking the greatness of God in your wife.

Husbands, your voice is not the only voice that matters in your marriage. Your wife has a voice. God has given it to her. Listen to her. Learn how to listen to Him through her. Pray that her voice would be so in tuned with His that you can’t tell the difference.

Stop saying, “She just nags me… She never encourages me… She always complains… She only brings out the bad stuff…” Take you place as a husband & pull the greatness of God out of her. “She speaks with wisdom, and faithful instruction is on her tongue,” (Proverbs 31:26). Let us be husbands who empower our wives to take their place & radiate with the glory of God.

Let’s Do This Together

Where have you written off the voice of your wife because it has become too ‘familiar’? How do you need to shift your heart in order to empower your wife enter into God’s greatness for her life & your marriage?

28 Year Old Babies #1

As a husband I have been constantly slapped in the face with my immaturity & my boyishness.

There have been so many times where I have sat in bed & prayed, “God, how come nobody taught me this? How come I can’t have my needs met first? Why is it that I need to be so selfless?” However, I can hear God responding, “It’s time to grow up. It’s time to be a man.” Mature adults are responsible, selfless, sacrificial, hardworking, vision-oriented, & can put of temporary pleasure for long term gain.

Growing up is definitely not an easy thing, especially with the age of “adulthood” in America being pushed back later & later. You know, they say people aren’t really entering into adulthood until their late twenties, early thirties? That is just crazy!

Our culture is perpetuating a lifestyle of immaturity & people are accepting it; they want it that way. Immaturity can be fun for a season, but it is devastating as a lifestyle. Nobody wants to baby a 28 year old man; not attractive. However, this is often what happens when we are meant to step into adulthood, but are constantly striving to have our pleasures met before being responsible.

We’re 28 year old babies when we are constantly shucking our responsibilities, trying to work as ‘few’ hours as possible so we can have more ‘play’ time. We’re 28 year old babies when we are constantly looking to our parents to pay for our bills while we use our money to ‘hang out’, ‘party,’ or ‘date.’ How fake is that? How you going to have your parents paying your bills & then you take some girl out & act like you have money; that is teenage stuff.

Adulthood is not an age thing, 

it is a maturity thing. 

I have met some very mature 22 year-old adults & I have also met some 40 year old boys. Trust me, adulthood does not have to be boring; it is actually tons of fun! However, when we allow the fun of it to overtake the responsibility of it then we enter back into the realm of childhood. I don’t know about you, but I want to live as a mature adult, one that my wife, family, friends, colleagues, & God can say, “That is a grown man. He is a true example of what a man should look like.”

Let’s Do This Together:

Would you like to date or marry someone who was your age, but still thought like a child? Where in your life are you still thinking like a child & fighting adulthood?

Saints & Sinners

I once heard someone say, “Don’t label me a saint so you can hold me to a standard that you believe that you can’t or are not called to live up too.” Isn’t it true that in our hearts we tend to label people saints who we look up to in the faith? Most often we do this because we believe they are more holy than us, more powerful than us, or closer to God than us. However, when we do this we tend to elevate them, but lower our view of ourselves to point of labeling ourselves sinners.

However, give me one passage in the Bible where God identifies His children in Christ as sinners; sinning does not make you a sinner. Who you are is not defined by what you do, it is defined by who God says you are. Though our actions are meant to be an overflow of our identity, our actions ultimately don't dictate our identity, God's word does.

Hebrews 10:14 identifies believers as having been "forever made perfect" through the sacrifice of Jesus. This is past tense, already done (made), and 'forever' established. Yes we are still 'being made holy,' being set apart in our daily walk through the power of the Holy Spirit, but this does not nullify the truth that by Christ's “one offering He forever made perfect those who are being made holy.” Only God has the right to identify us, for that is the right of the Father. 

As long as believers identify themselves as sinners they forfeit the reality, full inheritance, & authority they have as forgiven, redeemed, & more than conquering sons. Just because I sin I am not a sinner (identity). That does not mean I will never sin, but partaking of the sin nature as a saint does not identify me as a sinner. It just means that I am a son of God, a saint, who sins; in that moment I am acting outside of my true identity. But as long as I label myself a sinner I will continue to live that way because my actions will always follow my view of myself. 

Our sin can never override the identity that God speaks over us. One of the major reasons the body of Christ is not walking as victoriously as it should is because believers have knowingly & unknowingly identified themselves as things that God has never said they are. Many have forfeited their authority & power in Christ over sin because they have believed false identifies that the enemy has fed them. Once we enter into Christ through faith our identity is never determined by what we have done or will do, it is always determined by what God says of us.

Let’s Do This Together

Do you see yourself as a Saint or a Sinner? What labels have you given yourself or have others given you that keep you in a low view of yourself? What is God’s truth of you pertaining to those things?

Accomplishing Your Goals #2: A Badge of Honor

If I have learned anything from my mother & father it is that as their child I am unconditionally loved & they will dispose of me. I shared in Accomplishing Your Goals #1 how my experiences of failure became springboards for growth because of how my father responded. Then I posed the question, if this happens naturally, how much more spiritually?

John tells us that whoever believes in Jesus becomes born of God (John 1:12). Spiritually they have the legal right to call God their Father & they have the legal right to be called a child of God; they have been adopted into His family & will never know the absence of His presence again (Romans 8:15, Matthew 28:20). As a child of God you have to know that Jesus has promised that He would not leave you as an orphan, but send His Spirit to be with you forever! (John 14:5-18).

One question that I am constantly asking myself is, “If I can try anything in the natural, fail, but still be unconditionally loved & never disposed of then why would I think my heavenly Father would stop loving me or dispose of me if I fail?” I have to constantly train my soul (mind, will, & emotions) to come in line with the reality that as a son I can never fail. My spirit is always alive in God, He calls His children more than a conquerors (Romans 8:37). I have to train my soul to come in line with the truth, with the spiritual reality every child of God should be experiencing – the conquering experience.

 

Yes, I may fail at a particular task, but I can never fail ultimately – the work that God begins in His children, He always ensures its completion (Philippians 1:6). As a son, every temporal failure is a stepping stone for greatness! As I am focusing on & pursuing the dreams that God has placed in my heart I can be fully confident that failure will never define me.

Failure will never be a label I wear with shame; rather it is going to be a badge of honor. A badge that will always remind me of the reality that as a son I can’t fail, I can only grow, learn, & overcome! When we live in the reality that we cannot fail, there is no limit to the dreams we can pursue & no fear to hold us back! Let this be a year where you dream dreams you never dared to dream & you pursue things you have never dared to pursue.

                                       

Let’s Do This Together

Where in your life have you felt like a failure? What would you do if you knew you couldn’t fail? How many more dreams would you pursue?

The Power of Expectation

Growing up, birthdays were some of the greatest times of the year for me. I loved wakening up in the morning with the expectation that something awesome was going to happen that day. I remember asking my parents for gifts, to throw me a birthday party, or to make me fried chicken. The feeling of anticipation to experience what they were preparing was always a such a thrill. I imagine David feeling the same ways when he wrote, “In the morning, O Lord, you hear my voice; in the morning I lay my requests before you and wait in expectation” (Psalm 5:3).

 

You see, expectation positions your heart in a vulnerable way. I have heard people say, “I just choose not to expect things from God or people so that I don’t feel let down when things don’t happen.” What a sad way to live. You can’t allow past let downs keep you from opening your heart to the awesome things that God has in store for you. When you do this you position your heart in a way that may cause you to miss out on what He has. With a closed heart, even if He were to drop something in your lap you may not recognize it.

Expectation also guards us from apathy. When people have allowed their heart to become apathetic they are no longer motivated, excited, or hoping for greater things. Expectation always keeps you on your toes. It allows you to be fully satisfied with all that God has blessed you with, but eagerly waiting for more. When you have a heart of expectation, you know that your Father always wants to give more!

Finally, expectation prepares your heart to receive from God. Your eyes are peeled, heart wide open, & hands out ready to receive what He gives you. True expectation also does not just expect to receive from God, but it prepares to receive from God & allow it to overflow into the lives of others; it is an action word. Expectation will always move us into godly action. Even as we wait for the fulfillment of our expectation, we are moving towards great things! It is as the famous missionary William Carey said, “Expect great things from God, attempt great things for God.”

Let’s Do This Together:

In what areas of your life have your lost expectation for God to move? How has this affected your life? What is one thing that you are expecting God to do in your life & what are you attempting as you wait for it to be fulfilled?

Accomplishing Your Goals #1: Failure Is Not Final

Today I’m continuing on a statement I made earlier this week in my post Focus On Your Goals #1: It’s A Brain Game. I wrote, “When you are pursuing a goal failing is not the hardest part of the process. The hardest part of the process is training your mind to stay focused on the goal, training your heart to have resolve, & training your spirit to know that a son can never fail. When the mind, heart, & spirit are intact defeat will never be known & victory is most assuredly yours.” We’re going to finish up this six part series in the next two posts by focusing on training your spirit to know that a son can never fail.

Now this may seem contrary to the statement I wrote in Focus On Your Goals #2: Staying On Track, “Failure is not an option, it is a reality.” In a short term sense this is true. However, in the ultimate sense, when you know that you are a son then failure is never final & it is never fatal. You are not a failure just because you fail. 

Growing up I played sports; I was good & I was confident. When reminiscing on my athletic experience there is one foundational component to my confidence that rises above the rest, the affirmation of my father, Chon F. Sevier. There were numerous games on the line where I needed a clutch hit, had to come in to pitch & close the game, or when I was down some points in a wrestling match & had a short time to come back. Most often than not I was successful during these times, but there were a couple of times I failed.

I remember one championship game in the all-stars where I was asked to come in to close a game & I blew a lead. Our team was eliminated & I was devastated. But, I remember my fathering coming alongside of me & telling me that he was so proud of me. I felt horrible for losing the game, but from that moment on I was no longer afraid to fail.

There was another time in my first year of wrestling when I was going up against a guy who was extremely good & had been wrestling for years. I was actually beating the guy & it would have been a huge upset, but I made a rookie mistake, he did a reverse, & he beat me by a couple of points. Again, I was devastated & my coach blew up on me, but my father pulled me aside & affirmed me in how proud he was of me, how great I did, & how much I was growing as a wrestler; that moment became a catalyst for me to work harder, reach higher, & pursue greater things.

Those moments have been forever burned into my heart, mind, emotions, & spirit. It doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks about me or how many times I seem to fail, my father is proud of me. These experiences of failure have become a springboard of growth, learning, & confidence. A true father will never give up on his son or daughter & his son or daughter will never be seen as a failure in the eyes of his or her father. If this is true naturally, how much more spiritually?

Let’s Do This Together:

How has the affirmation of your father or lack of affected your pursuit of your goals? Where in your life have you felt like a failure, how have you responded?