Party Like A Rock Star: Celebrating Your Wins

Do you party enough in your life?

I'm not talking about going out and getting hammered or spending hundreds of dollars on craziness, I'm talking about legit, wholehearted celebration. When is the last time you celebrated your life, steps forward you have taken, promotions, or reaching personal goals?

It is so important to learn how to celebrate the steps you have taken to move forward, no

matter how small or large they seem; the point is, you have moved forward. And, forward movement is always something to celebrate. 

Before my wife and I began to pay off debt it seemed so overwhelming. The thought made me queasy. But we started out little by little, step by step, and made it a point to celebrate along the way. Every month we paid off a card I posted for the world to see and I told everyone around me. It wasn't about bragging, it was about building momentum and even some accountability. The more smaller cards we paid off right away the more inspiration and momentum began to build in my heart, mind, and actions.

However, what stops most people from celebrating in their lives is the lack of knowing what to celebrate. In order for you to celebrate a win you have to identify what the win is, you have to define the win. What are wins in your life? What are considered steps forward to you, both small and large?

Celebration is one of the primary motivators for perseverance. When celebration is not a part of your growth journey then the journey will continually seem arduous, never ending. Without celebration you feel like you are spinning your wheels with no end in mind. 

However, celebration is a never the destination. But, it is an amazing landmark. When celebration becomes a destination you tend to stop there, pitch a tent, and stay there; you don't move forward. But, when it is a landmark it refreshes you and infuses you with inspiration for the continued growth for which you are reaching. When it is a landmark celebrations says, "Let's party! I won! And, as I move forward I'm going to keep winning!"

Take some time today to identity the wins in your life? In your relationship with God or your spouse, on your job, with your team, with your work out plan, what are the wins? Celebrate past wins and identify the wins that you are reaching for, begin to put in a plan to celebrate, and then party!

Letting Loose Your Inner Superhero

Are you confident about what you have to offer?

As a trainer at a restaurant I often ask those I'm training, "Why should we keep you on our team? What sets you apart from the rest of the hundreds of people who come in looking for a job?" I can't tell you how many blanks stares I get. When the stare doesn't seem to wear away I usually press a little harder, "What makes you different? What makes you better, not in value, but in effectiveness then all those you sat with waiting for the interview?" One of the most common responses I get is, "I don't like to talk about myself that way." And one of the most common responses I give is, "If you don't then who will?"

We all have to step back and ask ourselves the question, "If I are not confident about what I have to offer why should anyone else be?" As a trainer I seek to instill the greatest amount of courage, confidence, and self-worth in my trainees as possible. The reason is because if they are not confident about who they are then they can not be confident about what they have to offer.

You have seen those people who are trying to sell you something they won't even buy themselves. You know, 'those' people who come up to you with a face that screams, "I know you're going to say no, but please just let me finish my sentence." But, where are you "those" people? Do you realize the goods that you have?

One of the greatest tragedies is selling yourself short of the greatness that God has placed inside of you. Of course you're not perfect and I'm sure there are tons of areas where you could grow, but there are treasures hidden inside your jar of clay. You have to discover them and let them explode through the jar.

Selling yourself short is not humility and puffing yourself up always comes before humiliation. Both inferiority are superiority are forms of pride. Inferiority says you are less than God has said you are. Superiority says you are more than God says you are. In both cases you are exalting your thoughts and words above what God has declared about you.

You see, it's not about making yourself inferior or superior, it is about confidently acknowledging that there has been greatness inside of you since before you were born. God does not make worthless things.

It's time to let loose the superhero inside of you. To be confident in the things that are distinct to you. Don't be afraid to shine, others may depend on it. 

It may just be you have not yet recognized and embraced the great things that you have to offer, that others need and want. If this is so, take some time today and write down the answers to these questions, "What do you have to offer? What sets me apart from others? How can I embrace these things?" It's your time to shine!

Is It Motivation or Manipulation?

Are you more preoccupied with fulfilling your dreams and your vision than you are with helping those around you fulfill their's?

When I was in high school I loved sports and I was good. I was freshman MVP for football, league champion as a first year JV wrestler, and I was pulled up to varsity about 1/4 of the way through my freshman season. However, I decided to step back and only continue to play baseball. I remember sitting down and talking with the head football coach and sharing my heart and vision for my future with him. At first he was intrigued, but the minute I expressed that football was not a part of the my vision he blew up on me and became extremely hostile with me.

It was at that moment that I realized how his vision for his team was far more important to him than his or my vision for my life. I believed he genuinely cared about my future, but not enough to join me in moving forward. He was trying to motivate me to stay on the team, but it was through anger, frustration, and a guilt trip. While it may not have been his intentions, at that moment, he was far more focused on seeing his dreams fulfilled than helping me pursue mine.

The line between motivation and manipulation is very thin, what keeps you from crossing it is genuine care for those you're trying to motivate.  Motivation is about moving their heart in love into a place where they are empowered for the pursuit of vision. Manipulation is about moving their heart however you can to do what you want them to do, when you want them to do it. 

Whether it is in a marriage relationship, friendship, mentorship, or you are a in leading position, you have to refuse to allow your personal vision for people to keep you from helping them fulfill their vision for their life. As a leader or in a relationship, genuine care is not expressed by you telling people where they should go, it is helping them discover their God-given identity and destiny.

It is so tempting to tell people about the vision you have for their lives without ever hearing where they want to go and who they want to become. Leadership is not about getting people to fulfill your vision, it is about helping people discover their's. However, when you motivate someone to move forward, more often than not, you too will benefit from it.

Nobody wants to be guilt tripped into remaining on a team. Nor does anyone want to remain in a relationship where the other person is trying to make her become someone he wants her to be. But, people will remain on a team if they can see how it can help them advance, if they truly believe their leader is looking out for the team members interest. And, someone will remain in a relationship if he can see how the other is pushing him towards the fullness of his potential.

 Make it your aim today to motivate people to gain a greater vision for their lives and move towards it, not manipulate them into doing what you think is best for the fulfillment of your vision.

Marriage Is Work, But It's Worth It

When you think about marriage what are the first thoughts that come to your mind?

When you have grown up in a home where divorce has occurred it is not always easy to have a vision for marriage. At the same time, when you have grown up in a home where your parent didn't argue in front of you at all or you never saw them struggle through things together, it could cause you to have a faulty vision of marriage.

Two of the most damaging things divorce and, what I call, the "happy front marriage" do are prevent the children of the marriage from learning the extremely necessary skill of fighting and witnessing the commitment of love.

When you go into a relationship without understanding the cost of commitment you have already set yourself up to frustration. Yes, this is why you may avoid serious relationships. But, the reality is it is not only relationships you avoid, there is a deeper issue. At the core of this avoidance is fear.

Learning to deal with your lack of commitment begins with dealing with your fear. Fear of something better. Fear of failure. Fear of it ending up for you as it did with your parents or your friends. But, the truth is the only way to confront this fear head is by doing the very thing it is keeping you from doing, committing!

You see, when you commit wisely you don't do it blindly. Whether it is a relationship, job, career path, etc. When you commit wisely you have already determined there is a cost and you are willing to do whatever necessary to ensure you can pay it. At the core of this is worth. 

Wise commitment moves the heart and mind around the depth of worth it is committing to. And, because the person or thing to which you are committing is of such great value, you are willing to fight for it! 

Love is not feeling, it is commitment. Commitment takes work, a lot of it. Sure, you can run all your life, but you better have some good shoes and a lot of money to continually replace them. Either way work is necessary. It takes a lot of work and energy to constantly run. 

Stop running and start working. Dig deep, recognize the value of that which you are fighting for. Put your hard had on, get your hands dirty, and strap up your boots. It's time to work for that which matters.

The Oppression of Comfort

Do you run from discomfort or run to discomfort? 

Let's be real. Nobody likes to find themselves in uncomfortable situations. Difficulty is not usually seen as a friend. You probably tend to run from that which makes you feel uncomfortable.

However, discomfort is one the greatest catalysts for change. When things are comfortable you usually tend to keep things going the way they are without realizing that you are killing yourself slowly. Comfort, while sometimes necessary, can lead to apathy, being stagnant, and complacency. Comfort, while sometimes necessary, can be the most oppressive thing ever; though it is meant to be healing it can often be enslaving.

You often hear, "If it ain't broke then don't fix it." This is the saying of someone who is satisfied with the status quo. It is the breaking process that allows for something to be taken apart, studied, and improved. If it ain't broke and it's business as usual, maybe you need to break it and make it better.

Sometimes you have to thrust yourself into the uncomfortable in order to thrust yourself into something greater. Discomfort is an indicator that you are doing something you have never done or are stepping into a place you have never been. Whether it is a conversation that you have been avoiding, starting a project you have put off, or pursuing a dream you have suppressed, venturing into the uncomfortable place allows for your capacity to deepen.

What is crazy is that most times you step into the uncomfortable it becomes your next place of comfort. The minute your capacity begins to stretch you find yourself feeling comfortable at the very place that once caused you dread. You find that the short term experience of discomfort is far outweighed by the long term benefit of a greater capacity, deepened learning, expanded vision, and strengthened courage. 

Don't, for the sake of comfort, miss out on some of the greatest opportunities of growth in your life.

Seeing Beyond The Now

Are you easily moved by what you see in the natural?

Living and leading by what you see in front of you will never break you through. No great leader or successful person allowed her current reality to keep her from her aspired future. Walt Disney, before anything was ever built, looked at an empty plot of land and envisioned Space Mountain. On the day they cut the ribbon and dedicated the world renown ride everyone sighed because he could not 'see it.' However, when his wife stepped up to the

podium she reminded the crowd that he saw it, he saw it before any one of them saw it; he saw it when the lot was seemingly empty, he saw it.

Are you easily moved by what you see in the natural?

Breaking through in your life, whether it is a job, relationship, or pursuing your dreams begins with seeing something that is seemingly not there. In every area of your life you are desiring to grow you need to lay hold of what is still yet to be seen. You have to see the unseen before it is seen by those around you. Paul the Apostle said, "We walk by faith, not by sight... We fix our eyes not on what is seen but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal..."

Are you easily moved by what you see in the natural?

When things become difficult and don't seem to pan out the way you visualized do you throw in the towel or plunge ahead. Part of seeing things materialize is expecting the difficulties that will be faced in the process and preparing your heart to push through when they come. How many times did Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. get imprisoned? How many times was he beaten? How many times was he threatened? However, he saw something people had not yet seen. He knew difficulty was coming his way yet he refused to steer off the path. He fixed his eyes

on what was unseen all the while thrusting his whole self into the process of making it a reality.

Are you easily moved by what you see in the natural?

Today, refuse to be moved by what is in front of you. Rather, determine in your heart and mind to not stop until what God has promised has come to pass. What do you see? Not in the natural, but in the eternal. What is not, but must be? 

Refuse to back down. Refuse to be moved by small set backs. Press ahead, lay hold of it by faith, move forward with every ounce of fiber in your being. No great leader or successful person allowed her current reality to keep her from her aspired future; there is greatness inside of you, don't back down.

Stay In Your Lane: Unleashing Your Strengths

Where are you strong? I'm not talking about muscles, I'm talking about gifts, skills, and calling.

When you take a step back and actually look at your life, relationships, and work, what strengths do you recognize? The reason this is so important is because we tend to focus so much energy on fixing the areas in which we are weak, but all the while we are not maximizing our strengths. 

Many of you have bought into the idea that in order to be a great leader, husband, friend, or worker you need to be well-rounded, a Jack of all trades. But that is so far from the truth. Andy Stanley, in his book "The Next Generation Leader," writes, 

"Don't strive to be a well-rounded leader. Instead, discover your zone and stay there. Then delegate everything else."

Growing up I loved playing football, I loved tackling people. One of the funnest times during a

game for me was the kick off, this was the time you could really crack someone. But, as fun as it was trying to hit as many people as possible at full speed there was one rule that needed to be followed by the whole team in order to ensure that the kick off returner would not be able to run it all the way back for a touchdown. The rule was "STAY IN YOUR LANE." By each member of the team staying in their lane the whole field would be covered, but when someone tried crossing into someone else's lane a gap would open up.

Your lane is your "zone," that is the place where you are strongest. Your lane is the place you have trained for, the place where experience is on your side; it's your sweet spot. Your lane is the place where you are the strongest.

When you begin to recognize your strengths you can begin to unleash them and fully contribute to any team or relationship you are in, as well as activate others to step into the lanes around you.

You see, your weaknesses are not necessarily things that limit you, they are opportunities for you to empower those around you. As Stanley writes, 

"Admitting a weakness is a sign of strength. Acknowledging weakness doesn't make a leader less effective." 

It is not until you can actually recognize your weaknesses that you can be most effective. It takes a great leader to know where she is weak and, rather than try to do everything herself, raise up others who are strong in those areas to step up.

In your marriage, if you know you are the organizer and your spouse is the visionary, don't try to force one another into the mold, maximize each other's strengths and learn to work together. At work, if your boss is not good at seeing obstacles in the way of fulfilling a vision, but you are, don't criticize him. Rather, affirm his vision and then come up with a road map of positive solution that can help navigate through the pot holes. 

It's time to discover your strengths, unleash them, and empower others to step into the lanes around you.

A Small Attitude Adjustment

Do people love being around you? I mean, do people get excited when you're around, feel uplifted, and inspired? Or, do they get tense, on edge, and uneasy?

This weekend I went to work and one of my coworkers said to me, "Man, we missed you yesterday. When you work everyone just seems to be in a better mood, the atmosphere is so much more positive." I was blown away by what he said, but I was more blown away by the fact that he was not the first person to tell me something like that. It caused me to ask two questions, "What am I doing that seems to make such an impact? And, do people feel this in all my relationships, teams, and workplaces?"

I've realize that whenever I go to this particular job, before I even step into the door, I determine that I'm going to have a good shift, no matter what happens, no matter how people treat me, and no matter what people say to me. But, I've also realized that I don't necessarily think this way everywhere I go or with every interaction outside of this job.

Having a positive attitude has been an extremely effective work skill I have developed for this job. However, I need to take it from being a work skill to a life skill. How powerful would it be for every team member I lead, every friend I have, and every person I come into contact with to say, "The atmosphere is so much more positive when you're around?"  

I'm realizing that your presence can either empower or it can drain. You often don't realize how greatly your smile, mood, mannerisms, body language, and words impact those around you. All of these are a direct result of your attitude.

You may not always like your job, but you can choose to have a good attitude about it. Your attitude is something that you have absolute control over. 

You see, when you seem to have a problem with everyone at your work place the problem is usually you. And most of the time, it is with your attitude. All it takes is a small, positive attitude adjustment to drastically impact an environment. 

Your attitude starts with a choice and actions follow. Don't wait to be motivated to have a better attitude, have a better attitude and the motivation will follow. When you begin to transform the atmosphere, it empowers others to do the same; one attitude at a time.

Lean On Me: You Can't Do It Alone

Being independent is overrated. Don't get me wrong, I love my independence and I love the freedoms I have to make decisions. However, when taken to the extreme, independence leads to this faulty sense of "I don't need anybody."

Everyone wants to be the rising star, world's best dad, mom of the century, or employee of the decade, but this doesn't happen overnight and it definitely doesn't happen on one's own. You are where you are primarily because of your decisions and responses to situations. But, another major factor in being where you are is the people you have or have not placed around you.

"We all need somebody to lean on..." Isn't that how the famous song goes? And, it is truth. You

can never reach your greatest potential without people pushing your forward, challenging you, encouraging you, and drawing things out of you.

Your success is not so much determined by your achievements as it is by the relationships you have in your life. Those who fight to do everything on their own will eventually find themselves on their own. 

You need others, whether you like it or not. The key is finding the right "others" who are going to help move you forward and not hold you back.

Having a spiritual father, coach, mentors, accountability partners, and solid friends have been an extremely powerful instrument in my growth and success. These type of people help you become a stronger you, better you, and draw things out of you that you never thought were there. They check you when you need to be checked, pick you up when you stumble, challenge you when you want to throw in the towel, and hold you to your commitments when you feel like wavering. 

Do you have people in your life who are mentoring you, coaching you, fathering, and holding you accountable or are you trying to do it on your own? Don't, for the sake of your independence, deprive yourself of some one of the greatest and most necessary ways of growing and reaching your potential, relationships. 

7 Easy Ways to Show You Care

Don't you hate talking to someone you know is not listening? When that happens it's easy to stop talking, get ready to erupt, check them, determine you're not gonna waste your time with them again, or do all four right? Don't be that person and don't waste your time with someone who is that person. No one likes talking to a wall; matter of fact, you will be called crazy if you consistently talk to one!

Here are 7 Easy Ways to Show You Care when someone is talking to you. Do them and watch your conversations thrive:

1. Look the Person in the Eye
It may seem old fashion, but it is one of the greatest things you could do demonstrate that you are fully present. If someone is talking to you look them in the eye throughout the conversation. Eye contact is intentional engagement.

2. Refuse to Let Your Mind Wander
Anyone could tell when you start drifting. Catch those thoughts and focus your brain power on the person in

front of you. You may have to do this 100 times in the conversation; it gets easy as you practice, trust me.

3. Nod with Affirmation
Don't be fake with this, it is obvious! However, the more you affirm what is being said verbally and with your body the more likely you are to remain engaged. You don't need to necessarily agree with what is being said, but agree that what is being said is important to you because the person is important to you.

4. Get Off Your Phone
Nothing tells a person more she is not important. When you are preoccupied with texting someone, checking a score, or looking at Facebook you are saying your space is already filled and the person talking to you can't get it.

5. Get Off Your Phone
When you're in a face to face conversation your phone is nothing more than a distraction and agent of dehumanization. By being on it while someone is talking to you is telling the person he does not matter.

6. Get Off Your Phone
When you pull your phone out in the middle of a conversation you just told the person, "Shut up!" or, "Keep talking, but I don't care what you're saying." When you don't care it will show.

7. Stay OFF Your Phone
Staying off your phone throughout a conversation demonstrates to the person in front of you she is the most important person to you at the moment. Your eyes are the window to your soul, by consistently letting them float from her face to a screen is the same as screaming, "I'm more passionate about a device then hearing your heart." Put the phone away and stay off.