Husbands, let me share with you one of the most powerful revelations ever, just because your wife shares a problem with you doesn't mean she wants you to fix it.
I love animated movies and one of my new favorites has become "Wreck It Ralph." The movie literally moved me to tears. As I was watching it I felt like I was receiving so much revelation. One particular revelation I got smacked with was how many times I try to be like Fix-It Felix in my marriage.
I can't tell you how many times my wife opens up her heart to share with me how she is feeling about a
It always cracks me up when doing pre-marital counseling when the guy comes to me and says, "She keeps bringing me issues, but when I give her answers she just gets mad at me." Or, "She keeps asking for my opinion, but when I give it to her she ignores it and goes with what she already thought before she asked me... It drives me crazy!"
Revelation... most of the time, she is not looking for an answer, solution, or your opinion, she is looking to be heard, felt (emotionally & mentally), understood, or empathized with.
Yesterday, my wife was in a grumpy mood. She started speaking to me a bit harshly and brought up a little problem we were having. Immediately my Fix-It Felix hat came on and I started blurting out solutions. All the while my wife got more agitated. Then I realized what I was doing and wanted to kick myself in the butt. I immediately switched modes and began to empathize with how she felt. She immediately began to smile.
Revelation... Sometimes you need to stop trying to fix the problem in order to fix the problem.
It's not always about fixing the problem by blurting out answers. However, when you sit back, listen, understand, and empathize the reality is that you are fixing the problem.
She wants to know you are present with her, that you hear her, that you care about what she feels even when she doesn't know how she feels. She does care about your opinion about the wedding decorations, but she cares more about you being fully present in the process. It's not necessarily the answer she is looking for, it is the heart engagement.
What you have to remember is your wife is a person, not a project. When you're only focused on 'fixing' things you take the heart out of the fixing process. No woman wants to feel like she is an object that is broken having to be fixed by her husband. Rather every woman wants to be cherished, valued, and loved in the midst of craziness and in the good times and the bad.
Trust me, she doesn't want to remain feeling uneasy that is why she is coming to you. But, sometimes the best way to calm her is just being fully present and engaging her heart.
We got this men, let's do it!
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